Mental health support group forms in New Bern

Aug. 18--If you're dealing with mental health issues -- or are the caretaker of someone who is, there is a support group in the area that is ready to help you.

The National Association on Mental Illness (NAMI) has a chapter overseeing Craven, Onslow and Carteret counties, and residents in neighboring counties are welcome to take part as well.

John Eubanks of Beaufort and John Gaskill of New Bern have been leading the twice-monthly meetings since the late '90s. "NAMI was started for relatives and caregivers of (people with) mental illness," Gaskill said, although those who are dealing with mental illnesses of their own are also welcome and frequently attend.

Perhaps you've seen the television shows depicting group therapy, with the misunderstood protagonist sitting in the midst of patients with no sense of reality, debating angrily with a clueless psychiatrist who is always thin, balding and sporting a goatee and glasses. NAMI is nothing like that: "First off, it's not group therapy," Eubanks said.

Also, there is not one person actually leading and lecturing, or guiding attendees with leading questions while he nods knowingly and takes notes. And, while both men sport beards, you couldn't call either's a goatee and neither qualifies as bald or overtly thin.

NAMI, rather, is a support group in which everyone has a say, under the guidance of NAMI-trained facilitator. Gaskill and Eubanks say they try to have people "from each side of the fence" to take part in the meetings -- those who are dealing with mental health issues and those who are caretakers -- as a means of making sure there is someone who can be sympathetic to, and understand the viewpoints of participants from either side of said fence.

Thus, "when we have a situation where someone is dealing with a mental illness an really has to vent about the way care givers are dealing with them or don't want to hurt the feelings of caregivers (or vice versa) we can divide the group and have caregivers in one room and the ones dealing with mental illness in the other room. That's rare but it does not happen."

"This is a grass roots organization," Gaskill said. "Every member either has a relative dealing with mental illness or are dealing with mental illness (themselves)." Gaskill, for instance, deals with mental illness within his family while Eubanks has lived with being bipolar for 50 years.

Eubanks' case is especially helpful in the endless battle of trying to break the stigma attached to mental health -- that there is something that is somehow shameful in struggling with mental health.

"If we have a person who is ashamed of his condition, John can talk to the person in terms they can deal with," Gaskill said.

"'It takes one to know one' is what we do," Eubanks added. A person dealing with a particular illness for years and who appreciates the value of medicine and treatment can more easily share his experiences with those who are newly diagnosed.

"We meet every two weeks," he said. Discussions result in ideas from group members that help bring solutions to the problems others face.

Gaskill and Eubanks did not know each other before they joined. Both said they investigated the organization at the instigation of their wives. "My wife said we had to do something (about dealing with the family member's disorders)," Gaskill said while Eubanks allowed that "my wife dragged me by the ear to one of these."

Gaskill said he joined and trained with NAMI because "I wanted to give something back. They did a tremendous service for the two of us."

Twice a year -- generally in January or February and early in the fall -- NAMI offers a 12-233k family educational course. Meeting two and a half hours weekly, the course goes over problem solving in dealing with mental illness. "It covers the nature of illnesses so that you understand the symptoms. It also goes over how you can deal with the professionals, what you should tell them, and what they can or cannot tell you," Gaskill said. It also helps caregivers learn how to meet their responsibilities without getting overwhelmed and depressed, themselves.

It also goes over medications and what you can expect from them, both in how they help and what their side effects may be.

That question on medication is one of the harder issues dealt with, both men said. "Some meds have bad side effects," Gaskill said. Those effects can range from weight gains and tremors to a loss of sex drive. "Those side effects can start immediately while the good effects can take up to three months to kick in," he said.

"Which speaks to the courage of people who take these meds," Eubanks added.

The group sessions have often dealt with suicidal people or those whose loved ones are experiencing suicidal feelings. In some cases, they've had success -- one member was showing signs of considering suicide and the men were able to take him to get the help he needed in time. But they have had losses too -- men who appeared to be doing well then killed themselves when it was least expected.

"Most suicides occur when a person is just coming out of a depression," Gaskill said, "when they've got the energy to conceive a plan and carry it out."

The men encouraged anyone who fears someone may be thinking of suicide to talk with that person. "You should ask this, are you thinking of suicide? If they've got a plan, take it seriously because if they've devised a plan, they could well go through with it," Gaskill said.

"It's important not to assume that, because someone (appears to be) doing well and have done well that they don't have plans. You can't tell what somebody's thinking," Eubanks added.

While both the New Bern and Morehead City groups meet in churches, the men emphasize that is because churches tend to be most accommodating in giving space. The program itself is secular. According to a NAMI pamphlet, "All are welcome irrespective of race, creed, religion gender, sexual orientation or criminal record... no belief system is promoted or endorsed."

Attendees are also welcomed to call the facilitators for help or to talk, any time of day.

"The setting is casual with no agenda," the pamphlet adds. "We are here to learn from and lean on each other."

All sessions and classes are free though officially joining NAMI -- not a requirement to take part in classes or sessions -- has a small annual fee.

The men say that NAMI is in desperate need of new members and new blood for facilitators, however. "I'm aging out," Gaskill said. "So many of our members have aged out and we've gotten to the point where it's just a handful of us."

The Carteret group meets at St. Andrews Episcopal Church at 2005 Arendell Street in Morehead City at 7 p.m. on the first, third and fifth Tuesdays of the month while the New Bern group meets on the second and fourth Tuesdays at 7 p.m. at Centenary United Methodist Church, 309 New Street.

For information call John Gaskill at 252-422-3900 or John Eubanks at 252-240-9504.

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