Guilt keeps wife in marriage to man with PTSD
Topeka Capital JournalOct 20, 2019
I work full time, pay the bills, take care of the kids, run the errands, drop the kids off at practice, clean the house, everything! He does nothing but sleep. He stays in bed for days on end and showers once a week. We haven't slept in the same room in five years.
I'm so lonely. I hate being married to him, and I'm not sure how his depression affects my kids. He takes medicine but refuses to see a therapist. I want to leave and have a life. I feel stuck in this marriage out of guilt. What do I do? — Had It in
Dear Had It: Make an appointment for yourself with a licensed mental health professional to discuss your situation and your guilt. Please do this before you have a mental or physical breakdown from the stress you are under.
While I sympathize with your husband's mental problems, the fact that he refuses to do all he can to fix them tells me it is time to take care of yourself — for your children's sake — because you are all they have. Because your husband's meds are not working, he should have mentioned that fact years ago to the doctor who has been prescribing them.
We are new friends and have never exchanged gifts. Please help me understand if I was inappropriate. — Meant Well in
Dear Meant Well: You made an honest mistake. However, what you did was less inappropriate than your new friend's ungracious response, which was just plain insulting. On the next gift-giving occasion — if you are still friends — send him a book on etiquette, just for him.
I got very close to this friend while I was there, and we talk on Facebook every so often. Obviously, because of the distance, we aren't best friends, but we still consider ourselves "trans-Atlantic sisters."
I'm on a pretty tight budget and want to start planning for expenses. Would it be rude to ask her if I can stay with her? Or should I just ask for suggestions on places to stay and see if she offers? — Traveler in
Dear Traveler: While it wouldn't be rude to ask, I vote for the latter option and see if she suggests it. (She probably will.)